


no time to die

by mmokku0



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ...or is it?, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drowning, Honestly I think I write these because I'm sad lmao, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Overdosing, Suicide Attempt, This is honestly sad as I write the tags, i think???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:33:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25623703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmokku0/pseuds/mmokku0
Summary: The stairs started crumbling below him. He fell. He tried gripping onto the reality that there was hope for him. But the hope was merely a light. A transparent figure that was only an illusion.TW: Mention's of suicide, drowning, and overdosing.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Mention's of suicide, drowning, and overdosing.
> 
> Please if you feel tired and just want to take your leave, reconsider it once more and talk to a professional. If you think no one out there doesn't love you, then I love you!
> 
> http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

Sakusa unclenched his fists, raising them up while he lie on the ground. His sweater soaking up the water overflowing from the bathtub, mixed in with the chemicals from the cleaning supplies knocked over. Air shakily blew from his nose as he stared at the dark bathroom ceiling. He relaxed his hands, letting them fall to the ground. He could still hear the sound of water running.

Drowning.

How painful it is would be a rating of three out of five. Why did he know this? Maybe he was able to get his hands on a certain red and white novel. 

The Complete Manual To Suicide. 

Speaking of which, the book was opened, laying on his chest. Flipped exactly to the page about drowning.

It's said that there's a special drowning method. Water and gasoline tank mixed together, shove your head in the toxic liquid and the ability to escape is already out of the question.

Should he try that?

Who says he hasn't.

But he wanted it to be quick. Sakusa already prepared himself the trouble earlier by adding pills to his food during volleyball practice. Hopefully his teammates didn't notice the odd colored dust decorating his bento. Too many eyes, at least one of them must've noticed.

How much did he put in? Too much, not even remembering which ones he threw in there. Just grabbed any and all pills available in his apartment bathroom—currently being flooded from the bathtub and sink running for the past 15 minutes.

An hour before Sakusa ate lunch, he instantly felt the poison taking affect once he started feeling hotter than usual during practice. A raspy, dry cough escaped his mouth. Atsumu caught Sakusa in the corner of his eye taking less than a single drop of water from his bottle.

"Ya know," The blonde setter started, almost startling the other. "Might wanna actually drink the water."

"It's empty." Was all Sakusa uttered before putting the bottle on the bench and walking back on the court. 

Sakusa now was able to pick himself up. His shirt soaked. But it didn't matter if he was going to drench his entire body in water anyways. A sudden urge to throw up sent an odd chill throughout his body. Swallowing the burning and sour remains back down his throat, he stared at the gasoline mixed water with dull eyes.

When was the last time his eyes sparkled? His mind went back through ever memory but couldn't think of one.

"Omi-Omi! Nice kill!" Atsumu shouted at the spiker who successfully hit the toss looked at the setter with a gleam eyes.

Why did he feel that way. Not a question, this is a statement. Damn that pissed haired setter. Making Sakusa fall in love for the first time in his life. 

Atsumu was like a beacon of hope for him. A bright light that casted away all of the darkness surrounding him. There was a clear stairway for him to finally climb to his happiness. 

Just one step at a time.

Each step felt lighter. It was slow but overtime he was reaching the top, to his freedom.

But would he ever return Sakusa's feelings?

The stairs started crumbling below him. He fell. He tried gripping onto the reality that there was hope for him. But the hope was merely a light. A transparent figure that was only an illusion.

His mind descended down further into the darkness. The light could no longer be found, as he swallowed himself deeper into the depths of sorrow and pain

Pain.

Sakusa didn't like pain. There's a lot of things he didn't like. And pain was his top three. Germs, pain, and Miya Atsumu.

Atsumu is annoying. A nuisance. But that's what Sakusa thoughts of himself only. Putting his own ideals of himself onto his crush was to make him feel better for himself.

To drown yourself, you should learn how to bind your body together with ropes. It's only a safety measure to make sure you don't try and resurface as you submerge yourself in the water.

Sakusa didn't have time for that, so he duck taped his hands and feet together.

Especially when he heard a muffled shout of his name as he fully submerged himself in the tub, forcing himself to swallow the remaining pills in his mouth. It was fine, the door to the bathroom was locked anyways.

His mind was fuzzy, he tried thinking who was in his apartment, almost interrupting his suicide. But as the burning liquid of water and gasoline filled his lungs, his mind could think no more. 

He wanted to surface for air, this was painful. And Sakusa hated pain. The tape on his feet ended up slipping off from the water weakening the glue. Should he open his eyes? Maybe that could make it go by faster. But maybe it would hurt him.

Another shout. Atsumu? Why was he here.

Atsumu. Sakusa hated Atsumu, because he fell in love with him. 

Because he fell in love with him, he was able to feel something. It was pain. A stinging pain impaled his cold heart, locked away from view. 

Sakusa realized he hated 5 things.

The color orange.

Feeling his mind go blank, a satisfying static throughout his head nearly managed to finally knock him unconscious. Nearly.

A knock on the door almost jolted him to his consciousness. He needed to hurry. With little control of his body his hand managed to slip from the tape to grab the pill packers on the side. More is what he needed. The doorknob started shaking.

Hurry up idiot. You don't have time.

By the time Sakusa managed to try and shove pills in his mouth (the water did not help much with it), he realized that Atsumu must've noticed what was happening, hearing his voice sound a frantic—he could assume—and from the water flowing out of the door.

With the gasoline and pills in his system, his whole body could shut down anytime sooner.

But finally, finally! He felt his body start relaxing and losing consciousness. Though he couldn't swallow some of the remaining pills—either floating around in the water or in his mouth, he could finally achieve his long awaiting peace.

A crooked smile spread on his face for the first time, his body falling week as he rested his eyes for the final time.

"KIYOOMI!"

He was shoved out of the water, his body freezing from being in there too long. Atsumu smacked his back repeatedly for Sakusa to cough out water and a few half dissolved pills. "Damnit Omi-Kun..." Atsumu cursed under his breath, his hands in his head as he let out a shaken breath. 

The other couldn't look at him. He was embarrassed, ashamed, and most importantly pissed off at the fact that he had almost succeeded before the piss head came in. 

Atsumu ripped the multiple towels hanging on the sink counter and wrapped them around the taller male. He turned off the sink the bathtub before finally looking at the other, then glancing back down at the ground.

After the painfully anxious silence, Atsumu looked up. "Why." Sakusa bit his tongue.

"Why'd ya do it...?"

Why didn't he do it? 

Is what he would have said, if he opened his mouth. So Atsumu continued. "Please, tell me what's wrong..."

Tears threatened to spill out of Sakusa's eyes, as tears were already flowing out of the others. "I..." He took a deep breath, holding his arms together for warmth. "I can't take it anymore." His words came out, barely as a whisper. 

"I can't feel anything. I'm just so... tired." A nod from Atsumu urged him to continue. "I was so, so, so, so close..." 

"To...?"

Sakusa's head tilted to finally meet his gaze. "Happiness."

"What..." Atsumu sucked in a breath. "What happened."

A feint smile crossed his face as he stared at the ceiling. 

"You."

"...Me."

"I hate you so much, Miya. With every fiber of my being."

Atsumu stayed silent, eyes staring with a guilty but knowing look. He understood. He now understands why he's suffering. Before giving Sakusa the chance to continue, Atsumu suddenly shouted.

"I'm in love with you." 

Startled, Sakusa impulsively stood up, almost tripping over. The blonde stood up from his crouching position and helped him find his balance.

Stepping out of the tub, Sakusa tightly gripped onto Atsumu's arms, like if he were to let go, he'd never be found again. When they touched, his arms felt a wave of warmth. He raised his face look up at the blonde.

A grin replaced the worry look Atsumu had been staring at him with, Sakusa's face suddenly heated up. 

A pale hand reached up to touch the other's cheek. Hazel eye's widened at the touch, glancing at the hand then back towards the other.

Two faces leaned with each other, still gazing into each others eyes. The raven let himself genuinely smile as he connected their lips together.

'As long as he's here, there's no time to die...'


	2. epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very, very, happy ending.

Why did he ever think that way. Should I have said something? He really did it. Maybe if I had done something sooner.

I ran a hand through the damp locks of my bleached hair, shakily exhaling through my nose.

A fluff of orange suddenly appeared into my vision, I looked down to see Shoyo with a solemn smile. Reaching my hand out, he grabbed it as I gently kissed the front of his hand.

This doesn't feel right...

He turns back to look on the ground, his eyes tearing up. The grip on my hand tightening.

I finally brought myself to look down at the grave in front of us.

After everything, Kiyoomi, you still did it... Why?

There was still no time to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHA YOU THOUGHT. I never can be satisfied with a happy ending lmaooo.

**Author's Note:**

> I totally forgot I wrote this like a month ago lmao but never finished because I was sad dixjdhxjdjx. Also I'm really lazy and haven't proofread it yet so eh, don't mind the errors.


End file.
